Stutter - Earwigs, Eccentricity and Memories

I’ll be completely honest and admit that I don’t listen to this one too regularly, it’s certainly very much a piece of its time. I’m instantly taken back to being a very young GM listening to it on a cassette (remember them?) walkman. Even more tellingly of my age when I first bought this, it wasn’t in stock at Selectadisc so I ordered it from a mail order company in the back of the NME and paid for it with a postal order becauseI was too young to have a chequebook. Having previously assassinated Millionaires it seemed to make sense to listen to a James album as diametrically opposed as possible next. As it turns out it’s been a wonderfully enjoyable way to spend a wet afternoon. Note to self – listen to Stutter more, it’s a fantastic slice of eccentric oddness and really rather lovely.

Skullduggery –My adolescent self was quite obsessed with this song. My Mum thought it was bonkers. I gave it even more kudos because my Mum thought it was odd. As the sound gets frantic I’m reminded of a small child running so fast you worry that their legs might just give way. I love the tension in this early James material, balanced so dangerously between collapse and mania.

Scarecrow – There’s a lovely detail in the last few lines of this song “When your song strikes me, my walls fall down, and I can sit down, in your perfect light and sound” Of course the song is about Patti Smith, who Sit Down is also dedicated too. But it also explains perfectly the way I feel about James. I’ve never thought of that before, and it makes rather a wonderful circle.

So Many Ways – My least favourite definitely, I do tend to skip this one on Fresh As A Daisy. But the video is seriously creepy. Hilariously so. Whatever happened to those pastel suits!

Just Hip – How I love the opening bassline to this, then that guitar kicks in. I close my eyes and I’m taken back to another age, another me. It all feels rather fabulous.

Johnny Yen – A classic and despite the fragility of James’ dynamic at the time, this track shows in an English understated way just how large their sound would come. I have to admit it does stand out here quite clearly with the words epic and classic writ large across it.

Summer Song – Beginning a long tradition of songs about birth and reincarnation. I remember the lines “You taught us how to be the same as you, If only you really knew, we wouldn't do what you do…this isn't living, but another disguise, go looking for truth, as all of this is built on lies” had a huge impact on me. Listening to it now I can see the progression through to Discover on Tim’s solo Bone album. The yi yi yi screeching vocal and slightly preposterous guitar do grate on me slightly though.

Really Hard – Probably my favourite tracks from this album. I love this song and was absolutely made up when it was played on the 2007 tour. It’s gorgeous and lilting, just enough sugar without ever becoming cloying. “It’s so hard to remain open, If it's true, it can't be spoken” is such a beautiful line. Sublime.

Billy’s Shirts – I think Tony Wilson once described this as a sea shanty, which sums up it’s sheer oddness perfectly. It’s a wonderful slice of James eccentricity.

Why So Close – From sea shanties to what my husband describes as sounding like The Incredible String Band (he’s much more folky diddly-dee than me) The acoustic guitar and vocal harmonies are an absolute delight.

Withdrawn – Glorious drumming. I love the African sound of Larry’s early guitar playing, something that age and exposure to a broader range of music has helped me to appreciate more fully. The intense drumming, Jim’s laid back basslines, this guitar that sounds like it’s come from somewhere far away from Manchester and Tim’s distinctive vocal and quirky lyrics add up to something so unique.

Black Hole – And to close another total oddity. The drumming on this is immense, and sounds so much better on my grown up speakers than a tinny walkman. Listening to the ending of this song I really wish I’d been able to see James play in the 80’s. I think I would’ve enjoyed the experience.

Millionaires - a track by track assassination

This to me is an album that broke my heart. It’s the sound of the end of a love affair – my first affair with James. I’ll be completely honest and say when I first heard this album something inside me died and it took a long time for my passion for James to be resurrected. To be fair there was a lot of change in my life at the time and music had ceased to be the outlet for all my passion, frustration and joy and in many ways I blame this album for being the headstone on a particular part of my life. So there is some prejudice there. But all the same, although there are a few songs on this album that I do honestly like, it still breaks my heart for all the wrong reasons every time I hear it. It plumbs the depths of every cliché, everything I despise in a lot of music. I wrote this whilst listening to Millionaires, partly in response to Mac’s review here: http://oneofthethree.proboards21.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=3555&page=1#41469
I really hoped I could listen to it and find something new, something magical that I’d perhaps overlooked before. But no, I’m afraid it wasn’t to be. I listened and heard the sound of my heart breaking all over again… what follows is a track by track assassination of Millionaires. Look away now if you’re squeamish.

Crash – When I first heard this song I really did think Tim was singing ‘cut the hurt man free from the hedge’ which almost makes more sense. It’s about a car crash innit? The woo woo’s are possibly the worst thing on a James album ever. Car crash lyrics and a car crash sound hurtling to oblivion down the great pop dumper as they used to say in Smash Hits. I don’t want my first thought to a James album to be ‘Fuck they’ve lost it’ but that’s what this song does for me.

Fred Astaire – The production is sugary, but as Mac says it works in this case. It’s a gorgeous brimming over song of the wonderful first flush of love and lust, something that you need reminding of when you’ve been married for ten years… The crank everything up and throw everything in approach works, it’s a gorgeous orgasmic explosion of a song.

I Know What I'm Here For – When I hear this song I’m reminded of I Know Why I stopped listening to tHis band For some time. I heard it on the radio, and my other half who was a cynical James deriding bastard at the time was unimpressed to say the least. I realised that there was no way I could justify it even because it was James. It was utter, utter gash. The keyboards, the cheese, the lyrical subject matter about hating what you do, and hanging in there till you can get out. It’s not exactly inspiring, more like banging stuff out for the sake of it. And the video should be put into Room 101 frankly, as if the horror of the song wasn’t enough, THAT video slams the nails on the coffin firmly shut.

Shooting My Mouth Off – Like Mac I’m not a fan of Tim’s vocal. I know he had ME and issues with singing at the time, so I imagine it’s some singing technique. But it’s not the same voice I fell in love with in my bedroom when I was 14. I’m trying to be kind, but it’s a bit like finding out that hot thing you adored from afar in the sixth form has turned into a pot bellied loser working in Sainsbury’s.

We're Gonna Miss You – This song is wonderful. It’s menacing and has an edge to it. It’s memorable, which is high praise in the context of this album. It wakes up my spine and makes me want to dance. And again, not much of this album does that to me.

Strangers – It has some seed of beauty, but it plods. ‘My heart’s hard to find’ sums it up really. It’s a worn out song lacking in passion. The sound of a dying band railing against the dying light, hoping if they say ‘this is not the end’ enough they might pull through.

Hello– A vocal worse than SMMO. It’s reedy and thin. At this point my love affair was well and truly over. A clapped out Tim singing with a backing band. And yes, yet more plodding. ‘Somebody dreams a brave new world, I’m forbidden to breathe its pearl’ is crushingly true. Imagine if you were Tim about to leave James with the crushing realisation that all your hopes and creative energy for so long had ended with this. A beautiful lyric killed amongst a maelstrom of averageness.

Afro Lover –I’m imagining they thought in the pick and mix factory of album track ordering, the last couple of tracks have plodded a bit, let’s crank it back up. This album is a discordant clash of plodding guitar or cranked up guitar, all generic and samey with fake plastic passion. There’s no seed of inspiration here just a worn out bunch of comfortable shoes going through the motions. Listen to the line ‘somewhere deep in no man's land, some man has lost a key’ and try not to draw parallels. I actually quite like the harmonica though. At least it’s trying to do something different. Or maybe they got bored of just cranking the guitars up. Either way the title ‘Afro Lover’ really does suck.

Surprise – You hope to be surprised by this point, maybe another gem like Fred Astaire. But no, apparently now they’re hanging around, lyrically this album is born of confusion. Like a divorcing couple going through pointless marriage counselling. ‘Gotta fix, gotta fix what's not broken. All broke, all broke, I'm busted’ I’m sorry but this album is the soundtrack of a broken relationship scrabbling in the dark to find a way out. Maybe the album should’ve been subtitled Millionaires – (Should I Stay Or Should I Go, Maybe The Divorce Payout Will Make Me A Millionaire) I’m not satisfied either.

Dumb Jam – Listen to the Whiplash Tapes version, and then the album version and weep. What did they do to it? In the Whiplash Tapes version the piano sound is funkier; the guitars sound less like Oasis out-takes. Here it turns into generic claptrap. I will admit to actually really liking the lyrics to this song, it at least stretches outside the leaving/going existential misery. And that line ‘the moon is rising, it’s a physical thing, she’s only acting on the rite of spring’ is wonderful, and so James and yet the music behind it is just turgid. These are lyrics with a glint of Kali in their eye and yet there's just nothing there musically that even glances in the same direction. I loved James because they were different, they railed against everything that was samey and predictable. They certainly didn’t try to sound like Oasis, an ambition so criminal it pains me to even say it.

Someone's Got It In For Me – Yet more misery. If there was the right tension in the song it could be wonderful, but there isn’t. It’s like a cocktail with too many things thrown in. A meal that’s too big to possibly eat and appreciate properly. A song of misery over egged to the extent that all sense of tragedy is lost and you're left thinking, OK then hurry up and top yourself and get it over and done with. I somehow doubt that was Tim’s intention.

Vervaceous – This song has grown on me. My first thought was that it was a bit of a poor mans TOTW, but it stands out head and shoulders from the preceding dross. It’s not cranked up, and it’s not plodding!! It has dynamics, it dares to do something different, something out of character. Hang On! Holy Fuck It Sounds Like A James Song! At long last! Except that’s it, the album’s over now…

I find it interesting that Mac picks up on the lyrical dysfunction of this album, as it’s probably why I don’t connect with it at all. Yes, sometimes songs just are throwaway and I’m not suggesting depth and seriousness all the time, nor do I want that, but this album is just a clichéd hash. Lyrically there’s such fragility, and yet musically it just waivers between two dimensions of cranked up or plodding. James’ music exists as a balance between fragility and magic. There’s no balance here and even less magic. And as for originality, it just sounds to me like a band going through the motions of dying, and if you love James as much as I do that’s not a pleasant thought. For me the beauty of James’ music has always been that it’s somehow different and indefinable, but this album is generic and undistinguished. The only coherence is an abiding sense of averageness. The lack of communication within the band at the time isn't just palpable in the lyrics; the music itself isn't inventive, everything is just thrown into the mix in the hope that it'll magically paper over the cracks.

It's struck me just how ironically appropriate the artwork is, a pig dressed in pearls. That's just what this album is, the reverse of mutton dressed as lamb, this is lamb trashed down to mutton, a silk purse transformed into a sow's ear. And whilst I’m not Mac, I’m not losing sleep over this and I don’t feel the need to harangue band members late into the night on its detractions, I am saddened still by the blandness of this album. Lost potential is one of the saddest things I can think of.

Normal gushing adoring James-loving service will be resumed on my next post.

Don't wait that long...

Been far too long since I wrote on here. So many things, so much to say, but not the words. In the bizarre world of James-fandom there’s been plenty of exciting things happening; my interview with Larry, the new album, the Hoxton warm up, the tour proper and the Portsmouth gig in June. It’s been a busy year, and the demands of everything else in my life seem to have pushed aside the ability to find words to describe it all. But, after an overly prolonged respite I‘ve jumped back on the rollercoaster again, the words are springing into my mind again. The joy and the passion are back in my heart. I’m writing again and it feels good :-)

Expect more soon…

Feels A Lot Like Love That I Feel For You…

No reviews this time, no gigs unfortunately, though the upside of James being locked away in a studio recording the new album is tantalisingly exciting. This is the inspirational bit, the bit where I attempt to put into words the importance of what this band do to me, physically and emotionally. I’ve said a lot about the transformational effect that this year and it’s James related activity has had on me. About a year and a half ago I rediscovered James and started writing again, proper writing that one day will add up into a novel of some sort. It was very cathartic, I listened, cried buckets, picked up a pen and the words just flowed out from some locked up place. But more has been released than just my words. I guess at its most basic level I’ve felt connected again, connected to everything that at my core is important to me at a very primeval level. I wanted to go home, but I’d lost the map. This year and the James related madness has been, excuse the cliche, a voyage of discovery where I've found myself again and been able to move on after an overly extended hiatus.

Not just any music does it for me. Something happens when I listen to James that moves my spine, stretches my neck, moves me at a molecular level. I regularly laugh out loud at the insanity of what I’ve had to re-remember this year. Movement is something that has been a part of my life for so long that for a while I forgot what it meant to me. This year has thrown so much back into place with all of that. Many years ago when I was a student I picked up two leaflets for two different courses, one was for a Gabrielle Roth 5 Rhythms class, the other was for something called Life Moves with an amazing woman called Mala Sikka, who was based in South Wales at the time. It took the mindfulness of yoga and tai chi to some fantastical space beyond, at the time I couldn’t put into words what it meant, I needed space and time to grow older and wiser before I could understand the path I’d embarked upon. The movement work was very bare and raw, we worked in silence, it was a very intense period of attunement. At the time I had no idea that Tim was involved in the 5 Rhythms thing, which is amusing and bizarre at the same time. For me in the last couple of years, one of the funniest and most intriguing things about rediscovering James is finding out how so many of the things I spent 10 years trying to work out had their seeds sown way back. Listening to Chainmail live this year suddenly made the penny drop, my body began to move properly again. Consciously, unconsciously and sub consciously all at the same time. Ah well, that’s life I guess. I'm glad to be alive again.

Something was said recently on one of the James forums recently about the sexual side of James’ performances. Moving your body, dancing, sweating with strangers doesn’t have to be limited to being a sexual thing. It is and can be sexy, but it’s so much more. We’ve narrowed down our routes to experiencing joy so much, that I think we confuse ourselves at times into thinking that things are the only way. When I dance it goes beyond words. When James play they throw out energy in all directions, I think it’s why Tim stresses the importance of connection so much. That energy circles, it goes from band to audience and back again. When you feel that take you, and you dance into oblivion, then yes it is sexual and impulsive on a very everyday level. But step outside your conditioning, what you feel is release, release from the crap that accumulates on us and wears us down, release from our self imposed boundaries, release from reality. I’m trying to find words that won’t end up being twisted by others into a suggestion that James gigs are some kinda mad tantric orgy. James are a sexy band, in particular they have a divinely sexy Tim and Larry, and the others aren’t bad either. Their music is impulsive and spontaneous, it gets confused with sex because most of us only experience that total abandonment during sex, we associate all that mad fizzing joy with that alone and don’t realise that it exists in so many other forms. Hence Tim saying ‘Sex is overrated, I need to dance.’ God, I understand that. There’s that line in a Sit Down, that Tim is singing to Doris Lessing and Patti Smith, ‘Feels a lot like love, that I feel for you’ and that just encapsulates it. Love, joy, passion, lust they all operate in so many ways, not just by the surface and obvious.

I say all this largely because I’m clutching at straws to find a way to explain how this band have cast such a magical spell over me. I sometimes wonder if there are subliminal hypnotic messages embedded in their words and sounds. I’ve spent years travelling around India, trying to learn, and yet it is listening to James that opens up the cosmos to me. Irony is a splendid thing. Magic abounds when those guys get up onstage, I can only believe they have an awareness of that.

A non review of a non performance

A night not really like any night I’ve ever experienced. It’s hard to write a review on the basis of songs heard once fleetingly, so much of the intensity and expectation was of the moment. It truly was a night of the gap between crack and thunder, a moment that hung briefly in time, never to be repeated. If that sounds dramatic then it’s meant to be. It was a very special night.

Waiting outside during soundcheck and hearing sounds we’d never heard before was thrilling. We knew it was going to be different, but even so the frisson of excitement that came when we saw the setlist inside the venue, a setlist comprised entirely of new songs took me by surprise. It bravely did what we’d been told to expect, there were no concessions to even new songs we know like Upside. It also marks a crunch point for James. This is where the reunion really begins; the derailment of writing processes caused by the tour and festivals over the summer was part one of this story. This is part two, the part that counts the most, the part where these guys have to pull out the stops and play their cards. We’ve heard about these new songs all summer, now ladies and gentlemen, the show is really beginning….

What follows is my attempt to make some sense of the hungover notes I scrawled on the train home to Nottingham. I’ll go through my thoughts on each song and then add some comments at the end. Like the gig it’s a bit raw, a bit unstructured, but that seems to be the best way to describe such a strange and beautiful night.

CHILD TO BURN – Good start, not staggering, but I enjoyed it. I’d probably have preferred a slightly bolshier introduction.
GOOD MOOD SUNDAY – Loved the title when I saw the setlist, but not so sure about this one. That’s to say it got a seven… It wasn’t the most memorable track of the night.
OUT OF OUR HEADS – Gig gets rocking for me with this one. It’s catchy and gets me bouncing along merrily, always a good sign. Can’t help but sing along. I love the fine line James walk between throwaway and divinely inspiring. This one has potential to be one of those songs.
HEY MA – Been looking forward to hearing this, as I wasn’t at the Edinburgh gig. I liked it a lot. Couldn’t make out the lyrics clearly enough, and I can’t read backwards through the lyric stand. I could make out the ‘boys in body bags coming home in pieces bit’ which frankly is something that needs to be said. We seem to be living in an absurdly apathetic age, and no one is making music that makes a stand. The critics will probably pan it for the 9/11 thing, but who cares, I’d rather speak out than be one of the senseless party-goers as Rome burns around me. Aside from subject matter, musically it sounded excellent.
WATERFALL – Sounded good, probably more of an album track than a live one, like Fear.
PURE BEAUTY – Larry’s guitar sounded ace on this one, really ace.
I WANNA GO HOME – More guitar heaven from Larry. Had that yearning thing going on that I love. ‘In this bar I’m dying’ –love that line. I could quite easily have cried.
A/B – This one felt a bit rough, there’s something in there but I’m not sure where it’s headed right now. Loved the guitar, which was reminiscent of the reworked Chainmail - a favourite of mine, it was a bit funky and pulled together more could sound very good.
MOTHERS A CLOWN – I laughed at the title of this one. My Mum wouldn’t babysit for me because she was waiting in for a case of wine to be delivered. My Mum truly is a clown, but not in a good way. Apparently the song is about Mum’s being clowns in a good way. I’m hoping my own kids see me in the good category. Despite the way I keep abandoning them too run off to James gigs. I was trying to listen to the lyrics but couldn’t catch them clearly enough, my one complaint about Hoxton as a venue is that the vocals get lost a bit, to the point of inaudibility at times.
BETTER IN BLACK- I wrote down something about fish heads and stray cats on the original setlist that Larry nabbed off me. I really liked the vocal style on this one; it was punchy and really had something about it.
OH MY HEART – This one was epic, again Larry’s guitar was awesomely good. Oh My Heart? I thought it was going to burst.
FEAR? – I can imagine this as an awesome album track. I’d lie down and float off somewhere. Live it drifted a bit for me, but I think that was environment more than song. When you’re stood so close to the band it’s sometimes hard to know where to look, especially when Larry has his inscrutable sunglasses on.
WHITE BOY – The cow bell one. Great. It had a slightly manic feel, in that way James songs are a bit off kilter and not like anything else any other bands do. As keeps being said, focus track potential.
BUBBLES – At last a song I’ve heard before! This blew me away at Belladrum, and it blew me away again tonight. That chorus, I’m Aliiiive, it just does it for me in that James way. It is joy, it is celebration of life, and it is connection. It’s why I love this band so much.
BOOM BOOM – I was expecting some fireworks, but this seemed a bit of a flat way to end. I think there could be something good in there, but it’s not found its way to the surface yet.

Saul getting the violin out more was brilliant, I hope that continues, in fact I insist it continues.

There was also some awesome drumming from Dave on a couple of tracks, very old school James, one track reminded me a bit of Medieval, whichever song it was, it sounded really good and I hope that stays through to the final cut.

It was slightly disappointing not having an encore, Upside and Not So Strong would’ve really finished the night off for me, we were literally begging for more, and it would’ve been nice to have been finished off …

I really hope that the production is good on the new album. Lee Baker being involved cheers me greatly as I have a tremendous amount of respect for him. The songs on Monday were raw and unpolished, but I hope that the rawness shines through the final cut. So often James seem to get overproduced, songs seem to get perfected beyond perfection and the final result detracts from what James truly are, a band whose greatest strength is tightrope walking the fine line between anarchy and chaos. When James are on fire live they create a divinely beautiful spontaneity. I’m not sure how that can happen in the studio, I’m not a musician, but I really do hope Lee can tweak that out of them.

.

My strongest connection with James is lyrically, I just love the way Tim writes them. I can’t remember the exact quote but somewhere in my age addled brain is something Nietzsche said about music filling a gap that words can’t express. For me song lyrics do something poetry can’t, they express emotion and intensity perfectly. I am a text person, and for me to like music the lyrics have to stir my soul. On Monday some of the lyrics seemed a bit too reliant on repetition. It’s not too long before recording begins, and I was expecting something slightly more coherent by now. Not having been privy to such an opus in composition before, maybe that’s the way it always is. Maybe things magically come together, my personal writing processes are very unstructured and I guard my work in progress cautiously, so it’s a brave move to stand up and be counted when you’re only halfway there. This is not meant as a slight in any way, and it’s going to be fascinating to see how the songs evolve.

So really this is it, the bit where James have to do what they’ve been promising us, all that stuff about balls and risk taking is crucial now. The gigs so far this year have filled my heart with absolute joy, now I want to hear an album that does the same. On the evidence of what I’ve heard I’m feeling very positive. Do us proud boys!

The road to Belladrum

This is not a review. It’s more an explanation of why roadtrips and general madness are such a good idea. Don’t expect objectivity, or comments on sound quality and what guitar Larry used for which song. This is the road to Belladrum and beyond through the eyes of Goldmother.

A little over a year ago I didn’t do this kind of thing. There I was in my little suburban life growing my organic veg, taking the kids to school, being normal, doing normal things. That’s not a slight on growing your own veg, or taking the kids to school, but things had got a bit boring. And I’m not a boring kind of girl. Then in January I got an email. It was an email that changed my year entirely. I think you know what that email informed me of.

Since then, well, it’s all gone a bit mad. I started off with a ticket for the MEN gig in April. Through fate and madness I ended up getting to the first Hoxton gig in March. Armed with train fare, a hotel room booked and a couple of tickets, off I trotted to London. It became a defining feature of the year. Just the MEN gig wasn’t going to be enough, so tickets for Birmingham were quickly bought, the MEN gig turned into an entire weekend of James festivities. A couple of months later came another mad, last minute dash down to London for Hoxton 2. When the fellow Mums in my village started to question whether I was having some kind of mid life crisis, the only reply I could think of was that maybe I was, but at least I wasn’t on Prozac like them. I had James instead.

Then there was Glasgow. Three women, one car, and a mission to see James play 6 hours drive away. We made it, a great night ensued. Suddenly Scotland didn’t seem so far away. Hell, thought I, Inverness can’t be that much further than Glasgow, lets go to Belladrum. Stupidly, at this point my mind lost all reason, I began to imagine balmy evenings, the children playing in the setting sun….. Belladrum was a great idea… taking the kids to their first James gig was an even better idea. Tim thought it was, and who can argue with him?

Fast forward. Thursday 9^th August. I have dropped Mr G off at work, and now I’m heading northwards to the furthest reaches of this country. With two kids in the back of the car, and a journey ahead of me the satnav predicts to be 7hrs 44mins. The weather forecast is not brilliant. The car is packed with head to toe gore tex outfits and wellies. It was not what I had planned to be honest. However, the miles slip away in a pleasant haze of chocolate éclairs and plenty of singing along to James. My lovely daughter perfects her technique of screaming for no reason. Why are you screaming Amber? Because I like screaming. I can scream really loud! And yes indeed she can.

As the miles rack up I start to wonder how many people out there do this kind of thing. I begin to question my sanity. I start to feel sick from eating too many sweets. Then the motorway ends and with at least a couple of hours drive still ahead of me, it’s A roads all the way. The reality of just how far away Inverness is starts to hit me. The A9 north of Perth is the longest straightest, possibly dullest road I’ve ever driven on. Especially when you’re stuck behind a hay lorry. Going at 35 miles an hour. There’s not nearly enough dual carriageway on the A9. Nor enough snipers taking out lorries.

After getting lost in Beauly (the genius that is satnav doesn’t recognise the Belladrum postcode) we finally arrive at our destination. As I climb/ fall out the car I have a sensation akin to sea sickness. I have stopped moving at last. Now I just have a tent to put up, kids to feed, and a really long queue to get wristbands. At this point huge kudos goes out to Su and Zip, who helped me enormously, ferrying stuff from the car, helping get the tent up. A huge and much deserved thankyou.

Stuff happens inbetween Thursday night and James. My son decides he hates dark tents (so any bands playing in tents are out) and more disturbingly decides he doesn’t like loud music. My daughter decides she is unable to walk anywhere, and needs to be carried. I start to worry that by the time James get onstage I’ll just be a hunchbacked cripple. There is a bouncy castle though. I have driven 500 miles to take the kids on a bouncy castle. I question my sanity again. A drunken public schoolboy stops by our tent on the Friday night. A legend in his own imagination, he asks me which school I went too. Bless him, he was in a state of trauma because all he wanted to do was be a musician (man) but his parents wanted him to be a diplomat. They never offered that as a career option at my school strangely.

James.

The rain begins mid afternoon. Proper rain. Proper festival mud inducing rain. Armed with my wellies and lovely waterproofs I find Lisa and Mac. With outrageous luck (or alarming predictability) my husband and kids manage to find us outside the beer tent. As James – time approaches Me Lisa and Mac abandon Mr G and the kids to their wet and muddy fate. We bustle our way to the front, to claim our spot in front of Larry.

The comments started pretty soon, by fellow festival goers who as Mac so succinctly put it, blamed us personally for the death of William Wallace. I have been to many places in the world and been accused of many things because I was born in England but nowhere have I faced quite such bitter hatred. I didn’t care frankly, James were about to come on. But I could’ve done without it to be honest.

After so many gigs this year, I still haven’t lost the thrill of seeing the boys walk onstage. It still seems like a miracle, I want to pinch myself and ask if it could really be happening to me again. Larry’s intro to Born Of Frustration begins and the excitement sweeps me away, we’re all whooping away, dancing frenetically, oblivious to the rain. If it couldn’t get more frenetic, Tomorrow lifts me up beyond frenzy and Sit Down, which always seems such a cliché on paper just always hits the spot live. You can’t help but love it. The abuse starts to make a return during Chain Mail. I can’t help but REALLY dance to this song. It’s about dancing, loosing yourself, freeing yourself afterall. Some girl behind me takes exception to me having a small backpack (and I mean small) No I am not going to put it down in the mud so you can stamp on it. I may be English, but I didn’t leave my brain at the border. I carry on dancing and try to loose myself again.

Play Dead has sounded amazing this year. I’ve enjoyed it so much, as an album track I liked it, but it didn’t blow me away completely. I have revised that opinion since Hoxton 1, and it’s got better and better. Out To Get You is just always right. It makes all the grand gestures without ever becoming too cloying or sentimental. It has more perfection in one note than anything ever written by U2. And that is fact, it’s not up for discussion or debate. Unfortunately my enjoyment of it is darkened by a tap on my shoulder from annoying girl. As I haven’t let her stamp on my bag, she has unzipped it, emptied the contents out (new gore tex coat included) and trodden them into the mud. I miss a good deal of this magical song because I’m trying to retrieve my possessions out of the sodden ground. I am unimpressed to say the least. Bag safely dispatched to safer ground with Robin and Dave at the barrier, I get on with my gig.

Tim begins introducing Bubble with a dedication to Tony Wilson. While some make their appreciation known and applaud the memory of the legendary man, I can’t help but hear someone shouting ‘welcome to Scotland.’ It’s a shame, but probably to be expected from a festival crowd. Bubble and Upside are songs that get me very excited about the new album. They have everything that I want from James songs, and then more. While Bubble sounds raw and new and very unpolished as yet, it has that James quality that makes it an old friend on first airing. I was still singing ‘I’m Aliiiive’ the next morning. Upside truly does feel like an established James classic now. It’s yearning, it soars, it’s just beautiful. I lose the ability to speak with any clarity on this one, all I can say is that I’m with Jim, I love it.

Disappointingly, but perhaps sensibly, Tim looks out at the audience, sussing out his escape routes into the crowd but decides to stay on the stage for Say Something.

Next up is my song, Gold Mother. I can’t help but feel slightly proprietorial about this song. It is mine, and Larry knows it. He’s calling me up onto the stage for the customary fan dance off, Tim acknowledges this by giving me and Mac the nod. Reader, my heart is pounding. Mac is up and over the barrier. I am stuck. The barrier is very high, and as I scramble over it, pulled by security one way, my feet held onto by annoying girl, I’m starting to wonder what I did to her in a previous life. It’s not a pretty sight, I feel as inelegant as a beached whale. In Skegness. But once over the barrier, the bastard security start trying to evict me. Larry protests for me, and I scramble onto the stage before further mishap can occur. I bounce across the stage to an ecstatic Mac, who’s grinning away like you’ve never seen a man grin before. This song is infectious. For me it embodies what James are about live. It builds and grows, you never know where it’s going. On the edge of anarchy and collapse it just keeps going and gets better and better. And then Larry kicks in. Pure, pure, excellence. And I am up there. It feels damn good. I get a quick chat and kiss from Larry at the end of the song and we are escorted off to claim our backstage passes. There is a story behind all this, but you’ll just have to make your own guesses at that one…

Ring The Bells and Sometimes I hear, but don’t see. In my overexcitement I forgot I’d left my bag at the front of the stage. Money, cash, cards, phone and car keys. Everything. I’m abandoned to the moment but not that abandoned that I want to spend the rest of my life a pauper in Inverness. Numerous battles with security ensue. In the end I give in to my fate. There’s a lesson there.

My ears prick up when I hear She’s A Star, which I adore. The pared down reworking seems to suit the core of the song better, makes it more fragile and less bombastic, taking it back to the meaning of the lyrics as Tim wrote them. As it soars to its conclusion I hold my head in the air, close my eyes and just drink it all in. It is gorgeous. Even in a patch of mud outside the production portacabin.

We catch Getting Away With It, down at the side of the stage, my security battles forgotten for the moment. Another song which was good but not sensational, that’s been transformed this year.

Come Home from the side of the stage is phenomenal, the speaker is painfully close to me, I can feel the blasts of air as the sound pumps out of it. Tim lingers on the intonation of the vocals making it sound just as visceral as it first did to me 17 years ago in my teenage bedroom. Then the fireworks start. I am dancing like a loony and James are onstage playing Come Home to within an inch of its life. I am singing my heart out, the sky is on fire, this is joy, pure joy. Only James can exalt you to these levels of ecstasy. There is possibly nothing better. Well not in a muddy field with 10000 other people anyway.

Coda:

Once my bag dilemmas have been resolved, a task that required running and hiding from a vicious security Nazi I get to enjoy the aftershow. Believe me, if you’d told me a year ago I’d be stood in the rain chatting away with the band post gig, and not for the first time this year I’d probably have laughed in your face. And then laughed again. The warmth and generosity the band have shown myself and others, their willingness to put up with ‘the stalkers and obsessives’ is outstanding. Particular mention has to go to the very wonderful Larry who is a total gentleman and my hugest thanks go out to him. Mr Gott, if you happen to read this, one of those ‘Goldmotherly kisses’ in your direction right now. To answer a question he asked in a less rambling and drunken fashion, all this craziness this year hasn’t been about reliving some halcyon youth. It’s been about rediscovering fun and myself again after a long hiatus. Lots of things have suddenly started to make sense again, maybe that would’ve happened without James, I don’t know, but James kickstarted that, which makes them special and this whole year special. Watching James this year has filled me with joy and connection more than they’ve ever done. When I hear James play I feel like I’m stood on a mountaintop with the howling wind blowing through me, my spine tingles and I feel unbelievably alive. This is not a rehash of greatest hits and golden times, this is the way forward and a new beginning. For all of us. I’m looking forward to it.

I’m Alive…. Repeat to fade

Hoxton 2 June 25th 2007

I am about to go out to take my son to school, and my daughter to Mums and Tots. The phone bleeps with a message. It reads two simple but joyful words. Gig Alert. Unceremoniously, my husband is turfed off the computer while I log into the James cyber hotline. There is a gig in London in 5 days time. I gabble away excitedly to my bemused husband. I probably jump up and down a lot. We are going, there are no ifs or buts or maybes anymore. It's James. We are going.
An hour later I walk into Mums and Tots, a friend clocks me, sees my grin and rolls her eyes. You're off to see James again aren't you she asks. Predictable? Me? Perhaps when James are involved.
Of course these things never run smoothly. In the meantime our house nearly gets flooded twice. On Monday morning the waters are rising again, frighteningly close to the house which is sandbagged in preparation for worse to come. Again we have no power. The kids are dispatched to higher ground at my Mums. I try not to think of the worst possible outcome - not getting down to London that afternoon and missing James. In the end the prospect of waking up in a cold flooded house with the empty feeling that we've missed a fantastic gig is dismissed in favour of seeing James and waking up in a nice warm, dry hotel room. We paddle across the driveway to the car in our wellies and set off.
By the time we reach London the sun is out and we watch the reports of flooded northern England on the news with a sense of disbelief. As ever I'm itching to get to the venue and I'm too excited to eat a thing. Once there we start bumping into the travelling James army, the familar faces are there, and we find Su and Zip in the queue. Once the doors are open we rush in and claim a spot so at the front we rest our drinks on the monitors. It is a shoebox of a venue, with a tiny stage. Tonight will be upclose and very personal.
Excitedly we spy a setlist taped to the floor and get to see that not only is Born Of Frustration being played tonight, but two new songs, Not So Strong and Traffic. The excitement reaches feverpitch when we spy a trumpet next to the drumkit. Could it be? Can it really be? Are we really going to get to hear Andy Diagram tonight? I'm starting to feel like Charlie in the chocolate factory. Excited and slightly overawed by possibilities.
After what feels like an eternity the band finally come on stage, beginning with Say Something, before Andy joins them onstage for Seven. It is magical hearing James with a trumpet playing again. We are blown away.
Play Dead sounds fantastic, and Larry's guitar is stunning. There are so many layers of gorgeous sound that culminate in the divine harmonies at the end. Tonight, I can tell is going to be an epic one. Some wags at the front who can also see the setlist start calling out for new songs "play Traffic!" and they do. It's raw and undeveloped but it sounds great. My world is coming down like the Berlin Wall around me, I'm abandoned to this incredible music thats moving my body from head to toe. Another 2007 song follows, Chameleon, which simply rocks.
Although I can see the setlist, I still feel disbelief when I hear Larry begin to play the intro to Born Of Frustration, augmented again at long last by Andy's trumpet. The crowd break into spontaneous whooping, before Tim lets rip and pure James heaven begins. I spy Mr G stood on a chair at the side of the room grinning away and dancing like mad. I dance myself into a frenzy too. That trumpet sounds divine. Chainmail follows, which has sounded epic this year. Those who know me know how much dancing means to me, and this song is a celebration of the body. Your hips move.... it gets inside your head.... Words fail me from this point, Chainmail is a song to loose yourself too. And that's precisely what I do....
I continue to be lost to Out To Get You another exercise in song perfection. It's fragile but powerful, tender but not cloying. I'll never tire of this song. Next, another new one, Not So Strong has me mesmerised. It is wonderful. Like Traffic, it's still raw and undeveloped, but has a core of stunning beauty. And from I hear the lyrics are a work of exquisite beauty. This band hit my soul like no other. They just make sense like no ones ever made sense before. "when you're willing to live and you've nothing to lose, that's when you've found your own faith" Perfect.
Upside Downside still sounds as astonishingly good as it did on the April tour, and Sometimes as ever is a frenzy of songwriting genius. I am in agreement with Brian Eno on that one. A brace of fantastically good classics follow, Getting Away With It and Ring The Bells, and with no (frankly pointless) encore break the beautiful pared down intro to She's A Star kicks in. Mr G moves down from his go-go dancing perch to brave the front and comes and stands behind me. I lean back against him and we move together in James heaven to the first verse of Star. I close my eyes drinking in the gorgeousness of it and when I open them I realise with some surprise that Tim has moved the mike in front of us and is singing the song at me. It was, a very lovely moment, and testament to the very special connection that James make with their audience.
My joy is continued by what follows, Gold Mother, to which I predictably dance like a loon to. Yet again, Larry and Andy make this song something else. Something very stunning indeed.
Laid is the icing on the cake. A fantastic, joyful end to a fantastically joyous night..... or so I thought....
Half an hour later I'm by the bar having a drink with the band. I am very, very glad I'm not keeping floodwatch at home.